What I Want People To Know About My Mental Health

I’ve see a ton of these posts and videos where people who live with various mental health say what they really want you to know. I have always loved the posts, always wanted to do one of my own, and finally decided to make my own version.

For those of you who do not know I live everyday with the following mental health diseases; Bipolar with schizo-affective disorder, borderline personality disorder (Yes, I have both Bipolar & BPD, although not common, it is possible to have both), PTSD, Anxiety in all its various forms, as well as a history of Anorexia.

Living each day with these diseases comes with it’s own unique set of struggles, of complications, of hurdles to overcome. I see my diseases as both a blessing and a curse. While I am exponentially better than I have ever been in the past, it doesn’t mean I do not still struggle with my diseases.

Things I want people to know about my mental health:

I feel everything so deeply, which means I will love you more fiercely than anyone else, but I will also feel sorrow so deep in my bones that I don’t have it in me to get out of bed some days.

I am one of the most understanding people in the world, but I also need constant reassurance.

I am sick, but I am not broken.

I do not need to be fixed, I just need to be loved, to be accepted, to be understood.

I can be crazy, neurotic, and many times irrational, but that doesn’t mean I am a bad person or that my feelings do not matter. They may be intensified by my diseases, but they are still valid feelings.

I over-analyze EVERYTHING and will constantly believe that you hate me, that you don’t want me in your life, that you’re leaving me that I am unworthy

I will have plenty of good days, but there will also be some bad days, days where you simply cannot reason with me, days where I just want to hide out and isolate from the world, days where the smallest things set me off. It is on those days I will need you the most, I will need your patience and understanding more than ever. It is on those days I will need you to hold me, to reassure me that you’re not going anywhere, that I matter, that I am loved, that I am not a burden.

I will drive you insane constantly asking you if you really love me, if you really want to be my friend, needing constant reminders that you want me in your life. I swear I am not trying to annoy you. My diseases have the innate ability at convincing me that no one loves me. BPD especially manifests itself in a severe form of abandonment issues. Which makes having relationships whether they are platonic or romantic quite difficult and can leave me feeling incredibly discouraged.

If I feel we are getting too close, too happy, too in love, to comfortable I will do everything in my power to push you away. It is in those moments I need you to stay, to comfort me, to not give up on me. As much as I do not want people to leave me, I will also try to bolt to protect myself from getting hurt.

My diseases are not your fault, they are not a reflection of you, they are not about you. Please understand that, on the days when I am being irrational, the days when I am being unreasonable, the days when it seems like everything things sets me off, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. While it can be difficult to not take it personally on those days, that is exactly what I need you to do. I know that I am being all of the things I listed above, but I can guarantee you I am already beating myself up far worse than you could ever, I am already aware of how bad, how irrational, how frustrating it is and I am being. It is on those days I need your love and support more than ever.

My anxiety makes even the most mundane of tasks feel overwhelming, feel impossible, feel insurmountable. Even something as simple as handing a cashier money feels like the most daunting task to me.

Big crowds or even having people over without my prior knowledge can and will send me into a panic attack. I need time to prepare myself, to gather the energy.

Being with someone like me, whether it is in the form of a friendship, a relationship, or any other form will not be without challenges, it will test your patience, it will frustrate beyond words, but you will also find a loyalty within me not found within most, you will find a deep love that will transcend you to unimaginable places, you will feel a level of deep empathy of understanding you never thought possible.

I know much of what I say and do doesn’t make sense to you, but it is what makes sense to me. It is how I manage to stay sane.

I know my coping skills can be a bit odd, but they truly help me. These help me process the world, my diseases and the fallout from them.

I know my diseases make life far more difficult, but they are just as much a part of me as the color of your skin, as the DNA flowing through your body.

There are plenty more in which I will add to as time progresses, but I feel like this is a great place to start.

Feel free to leave any of yours below in the comments!

As Always,

My Beautiful Badass Unicorn Phoenix Goddesses I Hope You Have A Magical Day!

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