For just over 21 years I have lived with and battled various serious health problems, which have maintained a pretty extensive chokehold on me, on my life, on my outlook, on everything. At a very young age I was diagnosed with PTSD then Anxiety (in all its forms), ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Bipolar. There was a point in my life where I tried to take my own life 3 times a day, for 6 months straight. I would wake up try to kill myself, fail, go to school, come home, try to take my life again, fail once more, go to work, come home, and try one more time before going to sleep for the night. I would wake up the next day bawling because I was still alive, I would be begging God, the Gods and Goddesses I believed in from my Pagan beliefs, begging them to end my pain, to end my suffering. It was a very dark time in my life, but that darkness never really went away, it more or less it went dormant for a while. Everyone who knew me during any point in my life, knew that my entire goal in life was to join the Navy. I worked my whole life to join, it was the one thing that got me through that darkness, I know it is the reason I was never successful in my attempts, because more than anything I wanted to be a sailor just like my grandpa was. My family jokes that my first words were GO NAVY. Despite my hurdles, my struggles, I worked my ass off to graduate early, to get myself in shape and ready for the Navy, I worked really hard to gain control over my mental health, I did everything I could to prepare myself. I felt great in the months leading up to my leaving for basic. I was so excited for the Navy, I felt better than I had felt in years, it was amazing. In my heart and soul, the Navy was my ticket out, it was the answer to all my prayers. About a month before leaving I has been raped, but I didn’t want that to hinder or delay my leaving, so I told no one, I bottled it up, and kept my focus on the military. Well, that backfired on me and I had a total nervous breakdown while in basic, and I had to make the hardest decision I have ever made, this was also after having my ankle snapped over a curb on the 3rd day then getting so sick I was bed ridden for 3 straight days. All of this was a sign, a sign that as much as I wanted to be in the Navy, it was not meant to be. I had signed up for 8 years right off the bat, had work my whole life for this, and I had to GIVE IT UP. That broke me in ways I am still recovering from, I have never felt so disappointed in myself, I have never felt like such a failure, I have never felt as low as I did that moment. For years I have carried the shame of not being enough, of not having it in me to succeed in the Navy, to not be able to achieve my dreams.
About 5 years ago still riddled with guilt and serious shame over the Navy, working 2 jobs and still not being able to make ends meet, having 15+ panic attacks a day, and having several nervous breakdowns, including one at work that was so bad that someone had to drive me home when they found me in the bathroom under the baby changing station shaking and inconsolable, I ended up having to quit working completely. That day I felt part of my soul die, I felt so hopeless, so helpless, so worthless. For the first year or so I spiraled deeper into my diseases, deeper into my darkness, I pushed everyone away who I could, I was in and out of hospitals, I cut myself for the first time in over 7 years, I lost myself, my hope, my everything. I had given up, I saw no point to going on. I had been dealing with these diseases for so long, they had also started to take a toll on my physically. My back and body were giving up on me as well, there were days where I was in so much pain I couldn’t even get out of bed, not that I wanted to anyway. I wouldn’t wish this suffering upon anyone.
I became homeless at one point, bounced form couch to couch, relied heavily on my friends to take me in, to take pity on me, to take care of me. It felt horrible, I felt like nothing more than a burden. That time cost me friendships, relationships, cost me my independence. It cost me everything, I lost my ability to drive because I developed seizures linked to my panic attacks. My already terrible sleep got that much worse and I was lucky to even get 1 hour a night. I was afraid to leave my house, I ended up developing agoraphobia pretty severe. I couldn’t do anything alone, couldn’t talk on the phone, I couldn’t function. It was 3 years into this I received my wake-up call. Once again, I found myself back in the psych hospital, this time I was there for over 1 month because I had nowhere left to go, no one left to stay with, I had exhausted all my resources, only 2 people came to visit me during that entire time I was there. It was during that stint that I made a PROMISE to myself I was going to get better, I was going to recover, I was going to overcome this, I was going to get my independence back.
Here we are 2 years later after a lot of hard work, a ton of soul work, a lot of blood sweat and tears, overcoming an abusive marriage, I am can say I am truly on the road to recovery. I have tried just about every medication under the sun, I have been in an out of therapy for years but most of that didn’t help me. They really just numbed the pain, they put band aids on it, or they provided temporary relief, but it never felt like true relief. I discovered CBD and that helped far more than anything else had up to that point without any crazy side effects, but even then, it didn’t make me feel as amazing as I do now. I discovered Smart Coffee and the Choclevate through my friend Amanda and without even trying the products I joined her in the company because I had seen the difference it had made in her life, and I wanted to experience that. In my heart I knew this was going to help me, so I ordered my Chocolevate the same day I joined the company and waited no so patiently for it to arrive.
It finally arrived at the perfect time as I was in a really bad place. I was super depressed, and my anxiety was through the roof, so I excitedly took it out of its package, put one scoop in a cup of hot water and began to drink it. Almost instantly I felt a difference, it was like this massive fog had been lifted from me, I felt like I could think clearly for the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE! As I kept drinking the effects became even more evident, I felt my anxiety melt away, I felt my the light filter back in and take over my depression, the shakes I had developed from years of being on and off antipsychotics had all but ceased (I have never got more than 20 minutes without some part of my body shaking), I felt REAL TRUE RELIEF! This didn’t feel like a band aid, this didn’t feel like a temporary fix, this actually made me feel HUMAN again. This took all those years of suffering, all those years of pain, of everything and made it feel like it was truly going to be a thing of the past. I nearly broke down in tears because I honestly never thought I could feel this good, I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel this kind of relief, to feel this amazing. I am still flabbergasted that this worked with only 1 DOSE! I am 1,000% HOOKED & I will tell everyone who is willing to listen about this product and how life changing it is. I look forward to getting the rest of my life back, I look forward to regaining my true independence, I look forward to the financial success this will bring me, I look forward to all the amazing changes this is going to bring to my life as I continue to take it and expand to our other products. These products truly are LIFE CHANGING, and I am so grateful for them, for what they are giving to me. As I write this, I am fighting tears because for the first time in 21 years I can truly say that I am GENUIELY HAPPY, and not from being MANIC. Even my best friend of over 15 years who has seen me at my lowest of lows and my highest of highs, noticed a difference in me. She said the most profound thing to me, she told me that I sounded like I did when I was properly medicated for my health problems, she had goosebumps because she could hear the difference. She told me I sounded truly happy and not manic, I sounded stable, I wasn’t babbling, speaking super-fast, or anything like that.
I cannot wait to purchase our newest product, Hemplevate, because it takes all the amazing benefits of CBD, while adding some of its own healing properties as well. Unlike CBD Oil, you will absorb 100% of it, as opposed to the 20% absorption rate of CBD oil. This is because our Hemp Oil is water soluble which means it dissolves in water, so you’re not wasting any product. Plus unlike CBD which only uses 1or 2 our product uses the full spectrum of Phytocannabinoids.