I have been doing the whole online dating scene on and off for some years now and it is the most confounding thing to me. I don’t think I am made for online dating or even dating in this day in and age. Most people on those sites just want casual, no one truly wants to date, despite most of them saying they do. I am not meant for this type of dating as I am serial relationship person. I am the type who falls HARD & QUICK. I want to be wooed, I want to be taken on dates (REAL DATES- not NETFLIX & CHILL, Dates where you KNOW they are a date), I want to feel like I am important enough to be more than just some hangout sesh, to experience the excitement of dating. Yet, that seems like an impossible request these days.
I also do not think I am quite cut out for the online dating scene as I do not understand how one can go on multiple dates with different people, I mean I am not knocking those who do, it is just not something I am wired to do. I talk to various people from the sites that I am on, but once I make plans to meet up with someone from the site, I tend to put everyone else on the back burner, I will maintain contact with them, but will put off meeting them. I like to give whomever it is or was that I met up with a chance to see where it goes, without it getting complicated by another person.
This certainly sets me up for disappointment and some definite heartache, because while I am willing to give this person a chance, the time and attention I feel is right, they may not be doing the same for me, nor do I really expect them to. As the way in which I approach online dating is vastly different than most. While I value communication greatly, I am not so good at voicing my wants, needs, or concerns, as my past with abusive partners makes me quite nervous and makes it quite difficult to ask what I should be asking. I also understand this is not a healthy habit to have, but it is not the easiest of habits to break. I am not a fan of confrontation, although I do not know anyone who is, so I would rather just bide my time and ride it out. Eventually things will progress into some sort of direction, be that into an actual relationship, or one or even both of us, saying “hey this isn’t really working.”
I think for online dating or even dating in general to truly work for me I have to become more confident in my own voice, in being like “Hey, just so you know I am not planning to meet up with anyone else, as I want to see where this goes. This however, doesn’t mean I expect you to do the same, but merely just letting you know this is how I do the whole online dating things” or “Hey, I don’t know what you’re looking for, but if you just want something casual, this will not work, as casual is not my thing.” It really just boils down to being able to be honest, to vocalizing what I want or need, I also need to stop settling for things that I do not want. This is something I need to work on in every aspect of my life not just when it comes to dating.
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