From August to the end of September, I tend to pull back from the world a bit. As those months are the times in which some of the most defining moments of my life have happened to me. It is during those months that many of the events that greatly influenced and shaped the woman I am today occurred. They are, for me, the hardest months of the year, they are the time when I tend to take some time for myself, when I give myself space and permission to reflect on all that I have been through in my life, they are the months in which I allow myself the space to continue to heal.
It was during these months that my father molested me (many moons ago now, but not something you ever truly forget), that I nearly died 2 years ago when my idiotic doctors once again messed up my medications (I had been on some pretty heave anti-psychotics and anti-anxiety medications, in which I ended up going off cold turkey. This was one of many times they messed up my scripts and I was done, but it was a week utter hell as my body went through withdrawals. Even 2 years later I am still healing from this), it was during the months of August and September I have had some of my worst suicide attempts and when my uncle took his own life, and it was during the end of September that my cousin ended her life as well as when my grandfather (he was by far the most important person in my life, next to my mother. I am the woman I am today because of him and not a day goes by that I do not miss him) passed away. Each of these events have taught me so much about the value of life, about how precious life truly is, about how even those who are supposed to protect you from the monsters of the world may turn out to be the monsters themselves. All of this showed me a strength within, showed me that even when it feels like my whole world has crumbled I can persevere, it showed me that there is always a lesson in everything.
While I have come to terms with these events and learned the lessons I needed to from them, they do still affect me to some degree during these months. I never want to forget any of the struggles, any of the trials and tribulations I have endured, I have overcome because without them I wouldn’t be who I am. If I were to forget them, I would open myself up to the possibility of them happening again. I am however, eternally grateful for the products I discovered at the end of July, because they made getting through these months easier than they have ever been for me in the past. They have helped me to not completely shut down and shut the world out as I have done many times in the past. They allowed me the clarity and relief to heal but to also understand all of those events on a deeper level than ever before.
As Always My Beautiful Baddass Unicorn Phoenix Goddesses,
I Hope You Have A Magical Day!