I am not one to typically talk about political issues often on public forums such as this, but as a woman the current directions of the policies affects me directly. So we are going to talk about a very hot button and personal issue for me, but it is something I feel incredibly passionate about. I had made a video about part of this subject on my personal Facebook page many months ago, and was honestly shocked at the love and support I received. As a woman, for the first time in a very long time I am honestly terrified for my safety, as my rights and those of other women are being threatened in my country. Things like Planned Parenthood and rulings like Roe VS Wade gives women a safe place to get the medical care and attention they need and deserve, but now all of that may be stripped away from us. Do people so easily forget about when girls were having babies at prom and dumping them down the toilet or leaving them in dumpsters? Do they not remember the horror stories of coat hanger abortions? Do they not realize that by defunding programs like Planned Parenthood, like overturning Roe VS. Wade they are not going to prevent abortions, but rather put more lives at risk? Do they not understand that by doing all this they prevent women from having access to birth control, to safe spaces where they can learn about their bodies, the changes that occur, and the complications that come from being a woman?
That being said, I understand we all have our own opinions, our own experiences, our own paths and journeys in which we are embarking upon, and I respect everyone’s rights to their opinions, to their feelings, to their perspectives, all I ask is that others show me the same level of respect. I am not under the impression that everyone will agree with my thoughts or opinions, but we are all adults and should take time to step out of ourselves, out of our own ego and try to understand the reasons behind others choices.
Deep breaths, here we go…. Please understand this, like many of my posts, is incredibly hard for me to make, and this is about much more than just abortion, this is about women’s rights as a whole. I had an abortion, when I was 26… Y’all need to understand something here that was by far one of the most heartbreaking and hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life. While, I do not in any way regret my decision that does not mean it was an easy one to deal with. It is a decision I did not and still do not take lightly, it is one I have thought about many times over.
A little backstory for y’all, having kids biologically that I carry in my own belly is not an option for me, I was informed of this fact many years ago, and while it broke my heart when I found out, I learned to live with that reality, I accepted it and told myself I would adopt. It is far too risky for my health as well as for any potential child for me to even consider having one. Outside of those risks, as someone who lives with pretty severe mental health issues, that adds a whole new level of risk for complications during and post pregnancy. The chances of me carrying the child to full term without myself and or the child losing our lives are incredibly slim and those are not a risks I am willing to take. While I do not take birth control, as my body very severely adversely reacts to the hormones, I do take proper precautions when having sex, but you can’t control everything. Having my tubes tied, while I wish I could find a doctor willing to do it, also isn’t an option until I am 35. I also have a very firm belief that women should have access to ALL of the medical care they need, whether it be birth control, safe abortions, treatment for STD’s, and more.
I knew almost immediately that I was pregnant, I could feel it, I didn’t need some test (although, I still took one) and I was devastated to say the least. It was hard enough learning that I would never be able to carry a child of my own all those years before, but then to find out I was pregnant only made that pain that much worse. I knew I had a decision ahead of me, a decision many wouldn’t agree with, a decision many feel the need to shame people for. There were quite a few moments, where I told myself that maybe just maybe it was worth the risk, but in the end I knew in my heart what I had to do. I called my mom up, tears pouring down my face, and she met up with me at the park we used to like to walk at. We walked for quite a while as I weighed my options with her, as I worked through the emotional roller coaster I was now riding, as I came to terms with the decision I knew I had to make. We were always raised Pro-Choice in our house, as we understand that it is not our right to tell another woman what she should or should not have to do with her own body. So I knew no matter what decision I made, she would support me, but that didn’t make the decision any easier.
I went in for my procedure not long after that and it was excruciating, I have never felt a pain like that before, and I never want to again. That whole experience traumatized me for quite some time afterwards. I had difficult letting my future partners get to close to me, I began to fear sex, I dealt with a lot of shame, I dealt with a whirlwind of emotions as I healed from it. In the days after I had it done, I hardly left my bed and when I did it was to run to the bathroom. Even to this day, quite a few years later I think of it, but rather than the shame I once felt, I have found peace. For, I know that I made the right decision for me as well as that child and all parties involved. I know that what I did was brave in its own way, I know that there is nothing for me to be ashamed of. I was lucky as my mother and the father of the child both were willing to support whatever decision I made.
The reason I struggled so much with my decision in the beginning is because we as women are taught that sex is bad, that masturbation is dirty, that our sole job is to reproduce. Society has taught us that when a woman has multiple partners she is a whore or a slut, but when a man has multiple he is congratulated. We are taught that we must cover ourselves up, that we must not show off our bodies, for we may give the boys the wrong idea, or we are inviting them to touch us. We are taught time after time that our bodies are not our own, when we put these ridiculous policies in place that strip women of their rights. When we teach our boys that is it the way the girl looks, dresses, or acts that is responsible for their urges not themselves, when we teach them to pass the blame onto us instead of how to control themselves and their own urges, when we let rapists go because of the social standing, when we try to discredit the victim rather than supporting them we take that power away from women. (I also understand men can be the victims of sexual assault too, but that is not the point of this piece, nor am I in anyway discrediting what male victims go through.) We as a society raise women to believe they must hid in the shadows, they must be meek, they must not be too sexy, too confident, too independent, or too opinionated. We raise woman to believe we as women must tear each other down, that life is a competition, that we are inferior unless we have children and husbands. We raise women to be fearful and ashamed of their own bodies, to judge others, to fear their power, to fear their sexuality.
Abortion is a hard enough choice for someone to make, without other people, especially other women making them feel like they did something wrong for it. NO ONE has the right to tell another person what they should or should not, what they can or cannot do with their own BODIES. You do not know their history, their health, and the reasons behind their decisions. You do not have to deal with the hormonal changes, with the physical changes, with the emotional changes they must go through during a pregnancy, nor do you have to deal with the changes after one. I do not care if you have been pregnant or have kids either, as each person’s body is different and may not be able to handle a pregnancy, each person has their own experiences which may make bringing a baby into this world unwise. Those women need more support than ever as they are going through some seriously heavy shit when dealing with an abortion. Of all the women I know who have had one, while not one of them regret their decision, they also struggled with it, because of the way in which we treat those who have had them. We need to have a more open dialogue and a safe space for women to talk about it. You would be surprised at how many women have had an abortion.
Getting raped or violated in any way is hard enough without people trying to discredit you, without people trying bullying you, without people making it your fault. NO MEANS NO. Whether it is spoken or not, it doesn’t take a rocket scientists to know when someone does and doesn’t want you. If heaven forbid, a woman gets pregnant from an assault, you have no right to SHAME her into keeping that child. Living with the aftermath of an assault is traumatizing enough, but then to have a reminder every day for at least 9 months is nearly unbearable.
To be a woman is far more difficult than man realize as the pressures and expectations which are placed upon us, can be so overwhelming, as we continually have our bodies, our rights, our thoughts, feelings, and identities violated and stripped away.
We need to STOP SHAMING women who do not have kids or who do not want kids
We need to STOP SHAMING women who have had abortions
We need to STOP SHAMING women who are vocal about their sexuality.
We need to STOP SHAMING into thinking things like masturbation and sex are dirty.
We need to stop putting policies in place that take the power and control away from a woman as to what she can and cannot do with her own body, policies that tax women for something they cannot control, policies that give companies the right to deny women access to birth control, access to the care they need. We need to teach women that they are beautiful, magnificent, Goddesses who are powerful beyond words. We need to teach women that their sexuality, that connecting with the bodies as a whole, that embracing what makes them unique is a beautiful thing.
My Beautiful Badass Unicorn Phoenix Goddesses I Hope You Have A Magical Day!